When Therapy Goes Wrong: Boundaries and Red Flags
Not all therapy is good therapy. Learn how to spot red flags, why burnout and bad boundaries matter, and how your therapist’s response tells you everything.
Every so often, articles (such as this one from the New York Times) surface sharing outrageous stories of therapist missteps—some that make readers laugh in disbelief, others that are far more troubling. These pieces remind us of a difficult truth: good, thoughtful therapists are not always easy to find.
When Something Doesn’t Feel Right
Therapy should feel like a safe and collaborative space. If your therapist says or does something that feels off, the best first step is usually to bring it up. The way your therapist responds to your concern tells you almost everything you need to know. Whereas a grounded, professional therapist will welcome the feedback, reflect on it, and work with you to repair the rupture, a dismissive or defensive reaction is a red flag.
And yes—while many moments can be worked through, some behaviors cross the line immediately. If a therapist violates boundaries, acts inappropriately, or shows repeated disregard for your safety and dignity, it’s time to end therapy and seek care elsewhere.
Why Bad Behavior Happens
Some of these horror stories stem from deeper issues in the field:
Poor boundaries: A therapist blurs the line between professional and personal in ways that harm trust.
Burnout: Therapists carrying unsustainably high caseloads may lose presence, patience, and clarity. This is unfortunately common in settings where insurance reimbursement rates are too low to support manageable workloads.
The OON difference: Many out-of-network therapists intentionally keep lower caseloads so they can show up with focus and energy for each client—part of why OON practices may offer more stability and less burnout.
How to Protect Yourself
Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is.
Speak up. A healthy therapeutic relationship can tolerate discomfort and repair.
Know when to walk away. Some behaviors aren’t just mismatches—they’re deal-breakers.
Final Thought
Therapists are human, but the work requires professionalism, strong boundaries, and humility. If you ever feel unsettled in therapy, remember: it’s not disloyal to speak up, and sometimes the bravest move is to find a new therapist. Your mental health deserves nothing less.