When “Therapy-Speak” Gets in the Way of Connection

On psychotherapy jargon, how it can hinder earnestness, and communicating with perspective

It’s been encouraging to see how open people have become about therapy, emotional health, and self-growth. But as therapy language becomes mainstream, some of the words meant to deepen connection are sometimes being used in ways that do the opposite.

A Double-Edged Sword

I loved this article from The Cut in which several couples therapists explore the rise of what’s now being called “therapy-speak.” Terms like “boundaries”, “gaslighting”, “narcissism”, and “codependency” can be meaningful when used with empathy and self-reflection, but they can also become tools for blame, defensiveness, or emotional distance when they’re used to shut down vulnerability.

How Therapy-Speak Shows Up in Session

This phenomenon is especially common in couples therapy. A partner might say things like, “You have no emotional capacity,” or “You still have work to do before I can commit.” The words sound insightful, but the message can become more about control than about understanding. Therapy language can turn into a way of avoiding discomfort or accountability, creating hierarchy instead of intimacy.

Different Terms, Same Origin

As The Cut’s experts note, this is not new; the vocabulary has just changed. Behind many of these phrases is the same human impulse: the wish to protect ourselves from feeling powerless, exposed, or wrong. But when we use words like “boundaries” or “trauma” to label the other person, rather than to share our own experience, we miss the point of what those concepts are meant to do: foster empathy, self-awareness, and connection.

Communicating with Honesty and Vulnerability

In my own work with couples, I often invite partners to move from diagnosing each other to describing their own experience. Instead of “You’re gaslighting me,” it might sound like, “When you said that, I felt unseen and confused.” When we replace jargon with emotional honesty, we move closer to one another.

Final Thought

Therapy-speak isn’t inherently bad—it can be a powerful tool for communication when used thoughtfully. But it’s worth asking: “am I using this language to connect, or to control?” “To express, or to explain away?”