Why Naming Your Feelings Can Change Everything

Most of us say we’re sad, stressed, or anxious—but those words barely scratch the surface.

Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett, in her New York Times essay, “Are You in Despair? That’s Good,” explains that the more precisely we identify what we feel—irritated vs. angry, disappointed vs. despairing—the better our brains can regulate emotion.

The Power of Emotional Granularity

This skill is called emotional granularity, and research shows it improves resilience, decision-making, and relationships. When we label emotions accurately, we shift from being in the feeling to observing it. That awareness opens up choice: maybe you need rest, connection, or to set a boundary—not just to “calm down.”

The Agency You Have

In therapy, building emotional granularity is powerful work. It’s not about learning new words; it’s about learning new distinctions within yourself. The more specific you get, the more agency you have.

From Reaction to Reflection

When you can name your emotions clearly, you’re no longer at their mercy. Instead of reacting automatically, you start responding with intention. That clarity creates room for self-compassion and curiosity—key ingredients for change. Over time, this simple practice of naming what you feel can help you navigate challenges with more steadiness and connect more authentically with others.

Final Thought

If you’ve ever felt “off” but couldn’t explain why, therapy can help you find the right language for what’s happening inside—and that’s where change begins.