Talking About Death: Why Asking the Hard Questions Matters

Despite death’s propensity to feel like a forbidden subject, talking about it can yield a number of benefits: mental, emotional, and pragmatic.

Amanda Schupak’s recent The New York Times interactive invited readers to ask anything about death — from burials to end-of-life care. What stood out wasn’t just the answers, but the relief of seeing these questions spoken aloud.

Too Taboo, Even For Therapy?

In therapy, clients often hesitate to bring up death. They worry it’s too heavy, too morbid, or will make others uncomfortable. But silence usually makes the fear larger. Talking about death can reduce isolation and create space for living with more clarity and connection.

Why We Avoid The Topic

• Cultural silence: Many of us were never shown how to talk about dying.

• Fear of upsetting others: We assume it will be “too much.”

• Uncertainty: Not knowing what death brings can feel overwhelming.

Why It Helps To Talk

• Less isolation: You realize you’re not alone in your fears.

• More agency: Planning and naming preferences can feel empowering.

• Deeper bonds: Sharing thoughts about mortality can strengthen relationships.

• Integration: Grief, legacy, and meaning become part of the conversation.

How To Start The Conversation

If you want to explore these questions, here are some suggestions as to how you can start:

• Say simply, “I’ve been thinking about death and want to talk about it.”

• Journal your thoughts first.

• Use metaphors if direct words feel too sharp.

Remember: your therapist, if you have one, can hold this with you.

Final Thought

The NYT’s piece reminds us that talking about death doesn’t make it arrive sooner. It makes life feel more honest and connected. In therapy, asking these questions is an act of courage and an important step toward living with greater presence.